Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sext me about skeletons
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
