I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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