I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
