All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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