Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
