What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
