k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
