you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Im part way to drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize