my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
