My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
