Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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