She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize