Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
