It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
