You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
