You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
