I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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