i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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