I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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