I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
