Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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