hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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