Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
