dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
