I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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