separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize