One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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