The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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