I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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