So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
