He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
honey bunches of taint.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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