i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
