Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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