i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
