Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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