i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
