this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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