Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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