I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up under a house in Key West
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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