The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
