he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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