weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize