Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
