Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
