Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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