O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
