Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
