did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
