my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize