remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
