The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
