I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize