I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
