Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
