This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
