i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
