I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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