So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
