I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
