shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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