You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize