you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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