I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
No subtext here. People are naked.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize