I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
