Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
then he tried to convert me to islam
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
