she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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