We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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