her vagine was all disorganized.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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